Why I stopped talking about what I do
Not everyone needs to understand what you're doing. Most won't.
Hi, it’s Melissa, and welcome (back) to “your founder next door”, a weekly publication with stories and tidbits of my human journey bootstrapping eWebinar to $5m ARR. No BS, just straight-up truth bombs on what it’s like to build a company without an abundance of resources or friends in high places.
I used to tell everyone what I’m doing with my startup.
Founders, friends, family…anyone I’d meet at a conference or networking event. I thought I was doing it to validate my idea and get clarity on execution.
As I pitched more and more, I noticed something shift. Instead of listening for feedback, I would often get defensive. I found myself trying to prove myself instead of having a real conversation.
I’m sure that was pretty annoying for them. Especially with those I wanted to build a relationship with. Nobody wants to be around someone who’s always pitching them. I don’t either. I also get put off.
I asked myself why I was doing this?
Truth was, I wasn’t doing it for the good of my business. I was doing it because I wasn’t confident enough in my own decisions. I was seeking external validation because I often second guessed myself.
You can look outside yourself to validate an idea or get support. But you cannot look outside yourself to feel good about yourself, which is what I was doing. Confidence comes from within.
Here’s what I’ve learned: not everyone is going to understand what you do. And not everyone has to understand for you to be doing the right thing.
Most successful founders will tell you that in the beginning, everyone thought they were crazy.
It’s like that quote, “First they think you’re crazy, then they fight you, then you change the world.”
One of the superpowers of being a founder is having conviction in your own idea regardless of what other people say. It’s being able to listen to different versions of advice, take it with a grain of salt, and still act with total confidence on the idea and execution you believe in.
If everyone thinks it’s a good idea, everyone else would be doing it.
It’s because they don’t see your vision and you do, that you have the opportunity to create something unique.
(This reminds me of a note from Ruben Dominguez.)
There’s a lot of people building in public right now, and there’s a certain danger to that. If you post something out there, you might get a peanut gallery telling you to do something different.
Last week, my friend made a LinkedIn post about how he was thinking of spending $120,000 a year on marketing ads. He got 250 comments roasting him. Tens of people DMing him with other ways he should be spending that money. I’m sure a lot of those DMs were people trying to sell him services!
That’s absurd. 🙄
Do you think 250 people have been in his position before? Or are the majority just lurkers on the internet waiting for somewhere to post, especially on a viral post, so they can get visibility and more followers on their profile?
It’s very easy for someone to tell you how to do something better when they’ve never done it themselves. If you can’t do, teach…right? People love giving unsolicited advice. I’m even guilty of that! Remember, they’re not the ones thinking about your business 24/7. They’re not the ones waking up with it and dreaming about it. They just drop a comment and leave.
You, as a founder, are left with a hundred different directions.
As I like to say: if you ask 10 people for advice, you’ll get 12 different ideas on what to do, and all of those things will be better than what you’re already doing.
When I realized I was sharing to seek validation because I was lacking conviction, I stopped feeling the need to tell people what I’m doing. It was more distracting than helpful. Instead, I learned to listen to my own intuition and my own voice.
I don’t even speak to startup friends about what I do anymore because I don’t want to be more confused than I already am. Unless I’m lost and genuinely want their input. There’s enough stuff on my plate that I don’t need to be reminded of what else I’m not doing.
I’m also very cautious about hiring consultants who say they can help us. How many consultants out there have actually built a startup from scratch? Probably very few.
Never take advice from someone who hasn’t been where you are and hasn’t gone where you want to go.
If I want feedback, I go to people who’ve done it. People I respect. I listen more than I speak, and take everything with a grain of salt.
The best way to balance ideas is to have a sounding board of founder friends. People who have your best interest at heart. People who would celebrate your successes and are excited to see you win.
In the end, you are the only person who has to live with the consequences of your own decisions. Which means you are the only person who can choose something that you will not regret doing.
Here’s the thing about choices: you can always make them over and over and over again. You are your own biggest safety net.
Be very careful and selective about who you ask for advice from. Think twice before you post something to “build in public.” Know what you’re doing it for and how to filter advice while having conviction in what you’re going to do regardless.
Every time you pitch to someone, ask yourself: are you doing it because you want validation? Or are you trying to make your product, your company, or yourself better?
What are you doing it for?
Till next time,
— Melissa, your founder next door ✌️
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Asking everyone for business advice is the same as asking people for wedding advice . Everyone has an opinion but not many have been in your exact shoes. Thanks for sharing this!
Oversharing isn’t transparency but it’s often insecurity disguised as openness. Conviction beats consensus every time. :)