The journey founders forget they're on
This is it. Nothing happens next. Don’t miss it.
Hi, it’s Melissa, and welcome (back) to “your founder next door”, a weekly publication with stories and tidbits of my human journey bootstrapping eWebinar to $5m ARR. No BS, just straight-up truth bombs on what it’s like to build a company without an abundance of resources or friends in high places.
The problem with founders is we focus so much on our work lives that we often forget our personal lives are happening in parallel. We’re so consumed by our startup that we don’t even realize there’s a whole other life unfolding at the same time…one that deserves just as much, if not more attention.
I get it. I’ve been there. That’s why I’m writing this.
We talk so much about the founder journey. Drown ourselves in content around struggles and successes, both ours and someone else’s. We obsess over revenue milestones, growth strategies, and the AI-craze. It’s all we consume to the point where it’s nauseating.
I’ve been that founder who skipped one of her best friend’s wedding because she could only justify spending money on business trips. Who worked through every weekend. Who told herself she’d travel later, date later, live later.
I’ve been the one who paid herself last because she needed to pay everyone else first. The worst decision of all that became the foundation for a series of things I couldn’t do that gave me joy. I lived in a constant state of lack while watching everyone else live their lives as normal people.
We do this to ourselves because we live in the future. Perhaps we need to because today is so hard that we have to believe the future is a better place. We tell ourselves that delayed gratification is the price of admission for survival.
Plot twist: life doesn’t wait for your startup to succeed.
Life happens while you’re building. And if you don’t pay attention, it’ll just pass you by.
We need to live. Go on dates. Travel. See our friends. Do all the things that make life worth living. Not after we’ve made it. Not when we have more time or more money. Right now. It’s the only thing that makes this really hard thing mentally sustainable.
It’s one thing to feel like you’re not moving fast enough professionally. It’s another thing to feel like you’re falling behind in your personal life too. That’s the kind of thing regret is made of.
The truth is, we’re all progressing in our personal lives. We just don’t give it weight. Not zooming out to see our entire life is doing ourselves a huge disservice.
I lived this. For a decade.
I was chasing my startup dream. Too busy in survival mode to do anything else. I didn’t have more than $100 in my account for two years. I had one meal a day and timed it at 4:30pm so I wouldn’t get hungry at night. I went to startup events for food. I maxed out every loan and credit card.
I went to sleep with fear and woke up with hustle.
I was having the time of my life and I didn’t even know it.
Ten years ago, when I was 32, I asked a friend who had sold his company for $25m what the best thing he did for his career was. He said, “When I was in my 20s, I had $600 in my pocket and I moved to NYC.” I moved there a month later from Vancouver. This was the Butterfly Effect that triggered a series of fortunate events.
When I got there, I had the opportunity to cofound a co-living space. A 5 bedroom, 2-level townhouse in the middle of the city where we could live, work, and host events. I sold my car and instead of paying off my credit card debts, I invested in this project.
I met David at this house, my life partner and cofounder of eWebinar. He was our first “Airbnb guest” who sublet my roommate’s room.
In the living room of this house was where I met every new friend who introduced me to business connections. Those conversations taught me how to hone in on my startup idea.
Having a dining table that fit 18 people was how I was able to host a dinner with real estate tech industry leaders, including the CEO of Zillow. My peers started to notice me after that dinner. They became my friends, gave me advice, and helped me get to first revenue. That event was where I met Aaron, who would acquire my startup 4 years later.
Eventually, David and I left New York to nomad full time for 3 years. Because of him, I got to experience the world, reinvent myself, and build a life around who I am today.
Here’s the thing: I loved every moment of it because it gave me the adventure of a lifetime.
But I didn’t know that while I was living it. I was so deep in startup mode that I couldn’t see how much my life was expanding around me. I was meeting the love of my life, building lifelong friendships, discovering cities that would shape who I was becoming. All of it was happening and yet I wasn’t present enough to appreciate it.
It wasn’t until I sold my last company six years ago that I finally had a moment to catch my breath. When I looked back at those years, I was flabbergasted and overcome with gratitude. Not by the business outcomes, but the life outcomes.
None of what happened was part of my business plan. It was life doing what life did when I showed up for work and went where it took me.
Building a startup is hard. It’s soul-crushing. We don’t always get back what we put in, and that’s what makes it so omnipresent because it requires trying and trying and trying. Our startup is one part of our life, and even though it’s an important part, it’s not the entire part.
What I’ve learned is that it’s not the founder journey that matters most. It’s not the revenue, the milestones, or even the exit. It’s the people you meet along the way. The cities you get to discover. The chaos that happens as a result of your hustle. Everything that makes a great story later that you forgot to laugh about while it was happening.
What matters most is the human journey your startup takes you on. That’s the whole picture.
So, don’t forget to zoom out. Stop and smell the flowers. Take that trip. Go to the wedding. Pay yourself. Say yes to the date. Celebrate the life you’re in. You never know if your Butterfly Effect is just around the corner.
As my best friend’s dad would say:
“This is it. Nothing happens next. Don’t miss it.” - RL
Till next time,
— Melissa, your founder next door ✌️
What did you think of this article? Let me know!
👋 If you enjoyed this read, would you please consider restacking it and sharing it with your audience?
This spreads the word and keeps me writing content that will inspire founders to keep doing what they’re doing, knowing they’re not alone.
Thank you 💜 The only way this grows is by word of mouth, so I’d really appreciate all the help you’re willing to give.
If there’s anything specific you want me to write about, hit reply and let me know. I read every message.
Exactly this! I was writing my Substack for tomorrow and it goes into personal dating while researching about bloggers and I’ve gotta remind myself always that ALL parts of life matter. Hopefully my startup takes off but not if it costs me my life 😵💫
Had been thinking about this as I was having breakfast, opened up Substack and saw this. Couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. So well put!