Most of our problems aren't real problems
A reminder I already knew, but needed anyway.
Hi, it’s Melissa, and welcome (back) to “your founder next door”, a weekly publication with stories and tidbits of my human journey bootstrapping eWebinar to $5m ARR. No BS, just straight-up truth bombs on what it’s like to build a company without an abundance of resources or friends in high places.
I just found out my friend’s partner lost her battle with cancer.
I haven’t lost someone this close to me before and it shook me in a way I didn’t think it would.
I want to tell you about my friend. He was one of the first people to take a chance on me. Years ago, when I was building my last company, we signed a deal with one of the leading real estate franchises in the US. As one of the leaders of that company, he was my champion.
What nobody knew at the time was that we were struggling. Badly. Revenue was thin, sales were slow, and to have a brand that well-known say yes, we believe in you was more than a deal. It was a lifeline. It gave us credibility when we needed it most.
That’s how I met him. He started as my business associate and became a friend. He’s one of the few people from that chapter of my life I’ve actively kept in touch with.
Before launching eWebinar, he was one of the first people I called. I respect him, I trust his feedback, and I knew he’d support me. That’s how his company became one of our first ten customers. There was never a question that if he saw the value in what I was doing, and it was in his power to help, it was already done.
That’s just who he is. I can only imagine he’s like that for many others.
He’s the kind of person who makes you walk away feeling better about yourself. Always upbeat. Always sees a way out, no matter how dark it looks. He sees the best in everyone and everything.
Just over a year ago, his partner was diagnosed. Every single time I checked in with him, he was positive. Not once did he give up hope.
What most people didn’t know was what else he was holding up at the same time. His daughter was going through her own health issues and needed surgery. His company was quietly going through an acquisition. He was carrying all of it, and he carried it with a grace I still can’t fully wrap my head around. He never felt sorry for himself. Somehow, in the middle of his own hardest year, our conversations left me stronger.
Both of them fought with so much courage and hope, right up until the end. She was his warrior. His Athena.
It’s a reminder that every founder we meet is a whole person. We cross paths at conferences, networking events, on calls, and we see the business version of each other. The pitch, the metrics, the stories. But every one of them is living an entire life behind that, holding things up that we know nothing about.
We spend so much of our lives inside our companies that our business network starts to feel like our social life, sometimes even like family. It’s a good reminder to ask someone how they’re really doing. And if you know something is happening in their world, even a short text goes a long way. It matters more than you think to know someone is thinking of you.
I keep thinking about how my friend showed up, for her, for his daughter, for me, while the ground was falling out from under him. And it’s put a lot of things back into perspective. A perspective I already had, but one I clearly still needed reminding of.
I’m someone who outsizes my own problems. I worry about whether my business is growing fast enough. Whether my website will get out on time. Whether my demo is perfect. Whether a customer is going to cancel, or whether I’m going to land the new deal. Whether it’s going to be a green month or a red month. This is the stuff I lose sleep over.
But deep down I know none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things. There are many things I can’t control, even inside my own business. I can only do my best.
If I zoom out, so much of what we pour ourselves into as founders just... doesn’t matter. Not really. A lot of our problems aren’t real problems. Yet, we let them rule us, let them swallow entire days, as if they’re the most important thing in the world.
It’s not.
Time is the most finite resource we have. Time isn’t just what you spend your hours doing. It’s what you spend your mind thinking about. Every second you spend anxious about a number is a second gone.
We delay gratification like our time is unlimited. We treat sacrifice like a badge of honor. We trade adventures, shared meals, and late night talks with family and friends for money, and then when we have the money, we’d give all of it back for exactly those things.
The things we give up now are almost always the things we’ll want to buy back later.
If your company doesn’t grow 50-100% this year, if you lose a customer, if you miss a milestone, who cares. Do your best, then go be with the people you love.
Doing your best is literally the best you can do, and that is enough.
This piece is dedicated to my friend. For his strength, his tenacity, and his fight. For the beautiful life they shared, the memories they created, and their enormous love that will continue to live on forever.
I know he’s hurting. My heart is breaking for him right now. I also know he’s going to come out the other side of this stronger. A stronger father, a stronger leader, and a stronger pillar for everyone around him.
Because that’s just who he is.
Till next time,
— Melissa, your founder next door ✌️
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I’m so sorry for yours and your friend’s loss. This was a beautiful tribute and a reminder we all need that we have no idea what someone else is carrying. You helped put into perspective a lot of what has been weighing on my mind recently. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for his loss, and the understandable sorrow you’re feeling now.