7 biggest lies I unlearned to get here
The 7 lies I had to unlearn in 4 decades to build my own life and follow my own script.
Hi, it’s Melissa, and welcome (back) to “your founder next door”, a weekly publication with stories and tidbits of my human journey bootstrapping eWebinar to $5m ARR. No BS, just straight-up truth bombs on what it’s like to build a company without an abundance of resources or friends in high places.
For most of my life, I followed a script I didn’t write.
Get educated. Find a job. Make your parents proud. Save money. Work hard. Get married. Buy a house, work harder. Buy a bigger house.
It took me years to realize that script wasn’t mine.
My dad worked at the same company for over 40 years. My mom was a housewife. They wanted me to be a doctor, lawyer, or investment banker. Something respectable, stable, and safe.
Instead, I bounced between jobs that never lasted more than a year before starting my first company at 27. By 40, I’d built 3 startups. Sold one at 36. Now I’m building the third.
I didn’t make them proud in the way they hoped. But I made myself proud.
Getting here meant unlearning almost everything I was taught. Letting go of expectations and “rules” about how life should look.
Two years ago, I wrote this piece on my 40th birthday. It went viral on LinkedIn. I’m sharing it here again for those who might be carrying the same lies I did.
These are the 7 biggest lies I’ve had to unlearn in the last 4 decades to get here:
1. Your studies determine your career. 👩🎓
I was told to pick a career at 18, get educated, find a job, then be happy. That’s backwards. No wonder people end up hating their lives and living for weekends. I found what made me happy first, chose a career that fit the criteria, and am now mastering the skills to be successful. The hustle became meaningful when it served my happiness.
2. Your parents know best. 👍
I came from a culture where obedience is valued over individualism. My parents discouraged me from entrepreneurship. They wanted me to climb the corporate ladder. I set myself free when I realized how unimportant it was to “make my parents proud” by becoming their version of me.
3. Sacrifice is painful. 😰
My dad gave us a great life, but he suffered through it and would say, “I sacrificed everything for you.” I felt accountable for his pain and carried that guilt until I learned that we can choose to do what is required from a place of love and abundance.
4. Save money. 💰
Over focusing on saving makes money a finite resource. It fosters the mentality of lack vs. abundance. Financially successful people are emotionally detached from money. They don’t think twice about investing in themselves through education and experiences. They’re not afraid to spend because they know how to earn.
5. Hard work always pays off. 💪
I worked insanely hard for 10 years with 2 niche products that weren’t industry agnostic. It limited our revenue and therefore our exit. Working hard coupled with working smart significantly increases your chances of a great outcome.
6. Be content. 😀
You can be grateful for what you have and not be content with your progress. Not being content is often misunderstood as overall dissatisfaction. Discontent with the status quo is what drives founders to change the world.
7. Success is measured by the stuff you own. 💎
Success isn’t about external validation. It comes from within and is self-defined. To me, life’s greatest measure of success is the number of people you love, who love you back.
I was taught that life was about conformity, stability, and security. But I did the opposite.
I never held a job for more than a year before starting my first company at 27. I moved to NYC at 32 with nothing, then nomaded for 3 years. I didn’t have any money until I sold my startup. Didn’t get married until 39, I don’t have children. And I’m happy.
Since birth, others have told me who I could and couldn’t be. It tied me to a future I didn’t decide on for myself.
Intentionally designing the life I wanted was the only way I could achieve it.
It required learning what I truly desired, and unlearning the expectations that no longer served me.
What is something you can unlearn that would have a massive impact on your life?
Why wait?
Till next time,
— Melissa, your founder next door ✌️
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So relatable especially “your parents know best.” My dad was doctor and mom was SAHM and they were not super supportive of entrepreneurship when I first expressed interest in it (they’re better now!). I’m still unlearning this one / it’s hard after so many years of conditioning.
This is such a relatable and timely read. Thank you for consistently sharing advice that reminds me that life isn’t black and white.
I’m still unlearning a lot but a big one is to have a plan. I think I was raised with this idea that there should always be a Plan A/Plan B etc. Sometimes my best ideas come from the discomfort of having no plan and just figuring it out.